Does This Look Infected to You?
Dear Esme the Cat, W. T. F. How many times do I have to tell you? No playing with Mommy while she is in downward dog position. Does this look infected? Mommy needs that 25 minutes of yoga/pilates in...
View ArticleDear Aliens, Please Abduct the Following People
Dear Aliens, I saw that you recently abducted Jean Claude Van Damme…and then brought him back. Seriously? You could have kept him. Please feel free to abduct the following people: Carrot Top Scarlett...
View ArticleThis Is Why I Blog
The other day I read a new blog. It was funny, so I left a comment. When I returned the next day, I saw this. Here my initial thoughts when I read that post. Oooo…it says “stalkers” in the title....
View ArticleJohnny Depp: Single and Ready to Mingle
To Whom It May Concern Dear Boyfriend, I regret to inform that your window of opportunity has closed. You are no longer first in line as my future husband. Now that Johnny Depp is single, he’s moved to...
View ArticleDear Tropical Storm Debby, Go Away.
Dear Tropical Storm Debby and Mother Nature, I’m not sure if you were aware or not, but this past weekend was my birthday weekend. I planned to spend a long weekend in Tampa filled with seeing my...
View ArticleMy Cat’s Role Model Is Mike Tyson
Dear Esme, W. T. F. You suck. I’m so mad I can’t even talk to you right now. Not Sincerely, Thoughtsy Ms. Appear (We are no longer on a first name basis.) Does this look infected to you? Dear Esme,...
View ArticleYour Queue Has Been Reordered
Dear Everyone Else in the Entire World Other Netflix Subscribers, I need your help. It’s nearly Halloween, and I just started my annual Halloween movie marathon. Oops…. My bad. Last year I watched the...
View ArticleHelp! My Baby is Twerking
My unborn child learned to twerk. Damn you, Miley Cyrus. Damn you.
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