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Does This Look Infected to You?

Dear Esme the Cat, W. T. F.  How many times do I have to tell you? No playing with Mommy while she is in downward dog position. Does this look infected? Mommy needs that 25 minutes of yoga/pilates in...

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Dear Aliens, Please Abduct the Following People

Dear Aliens, I saw that you recently abducted Jean Claude Van Damme…and then brought him back. Seriously? You could have kept him. Please feel free to abduct the following people: Carrot Top Scarlett...

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This Is Why I Blog

The other day I read a new blog. It was funny, so I left a comment. When I returned the next day, I saw this. Here my initial thoughts when I read that post. Oooo…it says “stalkers” in the title....

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Johnny Depp: Single and Ready to Mingle

To Whom It May Concern Dear Boyfriend, I regret to inform that your window of opportunity has closed. You are no longer first in line as my future husband. Now that Johnny Depp is single, he’s moved to...

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Dear Tropical Storm Debby, Go Away.

Dear Tropical Storm Debby and Mother Nature, I’m not sure if you were aware or not, but this past weekend was my birthday weekend. I planned to spend a long weekend in Tampa filled with seeing my...

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My Cat’s Role Model Is Mike Tyson

Dear Esme, W. T. F. You suck. I’m so mad I can’t even talk to you right now. Not Sincerely, Thoughtsy Ms. Appear (We are no longer on a first name basis.) Does this look infected to you? Dear Esme,...

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Your Queue Has Been Reordered

Dear Everyone Else in the Entire World Other Netflix Subscribers, I need your help. It’s nearly Halloween, and I just started my annual Halloween movie marathon. Oops…. My bad. Last year I watched the...

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Dear Boobs

Dear Boobs, Please stop growing. Now.

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Help! My Baby is Twerking

My unborn child learned to twerk. Damn you, Miley Cyrus. Damn you.

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Who Snuck the Hooch to the Baby?

Someone's been drinking...and it wasn't me.

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